Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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