so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
