um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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