you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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