My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
