It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
