I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
