I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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