I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
