No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
