i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
