he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
