I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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