i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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