this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
