Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
