so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
