respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
