he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you didnt know i had herpes?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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