There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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