im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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