Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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