She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
