I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
