i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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