you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
