im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
