i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
