If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
