Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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