Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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