I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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