I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
