Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
