I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
