Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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