Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
