and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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