You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We got so high we made milksteak
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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