3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
