I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
