Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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