we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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