I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize