How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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