Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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