I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
