every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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