I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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