i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
