Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize