Kiss
Puke
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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