He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i believe in u and ur pee
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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