I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
