I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
