If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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