great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
