so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
