Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
