I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
