Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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