how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
