i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
